Wrens World

Today I slept in a bit since I haven't been feeling well so I had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios around 11:30am. I haven't had cereal in ages because I always forget to buy myself milk, or even just the cereal itself, but I'm at my parents house right now so they have lots of food to eat haha. 

As I said I haven't been feeling the best so today was just a lazy day of watching things on Netflix. Right now I'm re watching Bones but I heard seasons 1-4 are being taken off April 1st so I'm trying to get through those seasons quick(I'm on the last episode of season 3 right now so hopefully I'll make it in time). As for my snack, it was about 3pm and I was craving something crunchy and salty so I got myself a small bowl of Lays Original potato chips and curled up with my blanket and laptop to binge watch.

Around 8:30pm I decided to have some dessert. I don't usually have dessert but my PMS has me craving things. I went for a bit of vanilla ice cream with milk chocolate chocolate chips and mini marshmallows mixed in. It may seem weird but it is SO good! Not healthy, but very good when your sweet tooth is giving you cravings.

Today was not a very healthy or balanced day, I know, but I'm also an extremely picky eater so most days aren't very balanced or healthy for me. I'm trying new things though. My friend Grace is a Vegan and she's trying to convert me. I've tried some fake meats and some are actually not that terrible. I was born and raised in Wisconsin though so I don't know if I can ever give up my milk and cheese! Hopefully my next What I Ate Wednesday will show my slightly healthier side haha.

xoxo,

Jenn

Does my series idea make more sense now?? Please let me know what you want to know about! I may be young but I've had many life experiences and I know a lot of people that I can talk to. I want to really dig deep and find answer to your questions, not just give an opinion. Tweet me or comment down below and I'll do my best.

xoxo,

Jenn

This honestly feels so weird and foreign yet absolutely wonderful. I haven't written a blog post in I don't even remember how long (aside from the rebranding post with a mini update/showing you all I'm still alive).  So much has happened yet nothing at all. I got a job, moved out of my parents house, got another new job, and am now searching for another new job. Lots of crazy job stuff. Let's just go back in time..... All the way back to August 10th, 2016. I had a job interview at Carter's an hour and a half away from where my parents live. Why so far away? Because I was going to go to a cosmetology school, one of the best around, which happened to be very far away. I got the job at Carter's and started August 21st. I was a sales associate and loved it but working with all the adorable little baby clothes gives you quite the baby fever ha ha. Then on my birthday, November 9th, I was offered a job at Justice. I started there the 13th while continuing at Carter's. Then on the 16th Justice asked me to be a part time manager, I accepted, but I had to leave Carter's due to a conflict of interest. I gave Carter's my two weeks notice but only stayed a week. I still feel terrible for how I left, especially since it was the Wednesday before Black Friday but I had to leave early for my sanity (I was scheduled 4am-10am at Justice and 10:30am-6 or 6:30pm at Carter's). Working at Justice has been fun and a definite learning experience since it's my first manager/supervising position, but it's also been chaotic and full of drama. I love helping people and I love clothing but work retail, at least at Justice, is slowly driving me insane (hence why I'm currently looking for a different job). Then my health issues... I'll make a more in depth post on it soon but I had some issues and ended up needing my gallbladder removed. I'm okay now and feeling better but I still have some issues. And that's pretty much where I've been. Haven't been up to anything too crazy or interesting, just taking some time away from social media and the internet. I'll try to make a post about taking time away/why I did it, but let's just say it's been one of the best decisions I've recently made. Hopefully you'll all be able to understand and that you'll still be there to support me on my blogging journey.

xoxo,

Jenn

So you may have noticed a name change in my blog! I'm working on changing things here on this blog, over on my YouTube, and just changes in my general(personal) life. A life update will be coming shortly so stay tuned! And if it's not up soon comment on here, on my Instagram, or even Tweet me because my memory can be absolute crap and I might forget to publish it. I've really missed this and hope you all are still here with me.

Thanks,

Jenn

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As you can tell from my previous blog posts, my writing isn't really the best when it comes to grammar and things like that. I've always struggled with reading and writing. When I was in preschool I had to take speech lessons because I couldn't say R's and something else I can't think of. I would say wabbit instead of rabbit or twee instead of tree. I was 4 so it's not like I was just learning to talk. Then in grade school, from 2nd to 5th grade, I had to go for special reading lessons. There were a few other kids so I wasn't alone but it was because we weren't at the proper reading level for our age. Middle school wasn't too bad for me, 6th grade I was in the lower level but 7th and 8th I was in the "normal" or "average" level classes. All through high school I was in the "average" level as well but I wasn't good. I always hated writing because I just didn't understand things and had to always ask my sister Holly for help. Honestly, she wrote almost all of my essays/papers. She was always in honors english so she was good and helped me. That's probably the only reason I wasn't in the lower level. No matter how much she tried to explain things or help it was just easier for her to just do it and dumb it down a bit so it seems like something I could have written. Then at spring semester in my junior year of high school I went to doing full time online classes (I'll make a post about that some other time) and took basic, easy English classes to get the required credits like Reading Around the World, Mystery Fiction, and Mythology. All I had to do was read and then take quizzes and test on what I read. Now that I'm in college and have to take classes where I have to write essays it sucks. As part of my cosmetology cert. I have to take credits in math, english, and a few elective credits as well. I know I shouldn't have cheated my way through but writing is just not my strong suit. Ironic since I write blog posts, right? But writing on here I'm not worried about getting a good/passing grade or writing about something I don't understand or care about. Here I get to write about what I like and care about. I can say whatever I want and if my grammar isn't correct or perfect it doesn't matter. It's just me writing my thoughts and feelings and sharing it with the world. Back in high school I even asked about being moved to the lower level since I wasn't doing well (I was getting a D) and they said "We don't like to move people down a level but we can find a tutor for you." I was just like really!? I'm failing and need to go slower and have extra help in class, having a tutor just makes me feel stupid and belittled. Plus my sister had her honor classes which are faster and harder and I really just didn't like to have to ask for her after so many years so I just did it myself and got bad grades. Maybe it's just my school but I think they need to listen to the students more. If someone like me is clearly not doing well and asks to be moved to a lower level where they can get more help, take things slower, and get better grades it's a no brainer. I'm sure if I would have insisted they would have moved me at semester but I'm a shy person and didn't want start anything so I just dealt with it until I could switch to full time online. I may not have the best writing but I'm not writing to impress anyone. I'm writing for me, to express myself. So if you've ever read my post and thought that some 16 year old wrote it this is why, I'm not good at writing and probably never will be but I will continue to write blog posts because it's something I like to do.

xoxo,

Wren

So, after a lot of thinking I've narrowed it down to a few different majors for college. I'm still super indecisive so I might end up doing something totally different. I don't know if I've ever mentioned it before but I've always been fascinated with sharks and all other marine life so I've thought about majoring in marine biology. The only thing is that I wasn't that great at biology in high school. But at the same time it's something I like so even if I wasn't that at it, it might me worth it to go after. Now as I'm writing this I'm starting to consider it too. Damn, I need to make up my mind. As for graphic design, I've always loved animated movies and design so an animation degree would be great. I said graphic design because I found a college nearby me that has a degree that is offered online or on campus that is graphic design with a specialization on animation and motion graphics. I would probably get my associates through them and then transfer to a 4 year university and get a bachelors degree in animation. The other option is cosmetology. I've always love makeup and liked hair a lot but I'm just not sure about it. Mainly because the college I go to has the most HIDEOUS uniforms you have to wear and the salon is a blast from the past, it literally looks like you took a time machine to 1980 and then went into a salon. I know it's so superficial and snobby but it's just all so ugly and dated. It's like my OCD and interior designer in me wants to redo everything. Plus I've seen what 99.9999% of the rest of cosmetology students get to wear, what they want as long as it's black or white. You get to be fashionable while learning something you're passionate about. I've also really been into fashion lately so I've kind of considered maybe doing fashion design but it's more just a hobby as of right now. As for interior design, I'm still really interested in it and haven't ruled it out completely but I'm more interested in animation or cosmetology right now. Every few months I swear I change my mind on what I want to do with my life. I think I won't really know until I actually start learning one more in depth. Like I took a computer graphics course in high school and really liked it and I've done peoples hair and makeup for stuff like homecoming and prom and I cut my own hair most of the time but I've never learned the proper way. I don't know, sometimes I just wish someone would tell me 'Here, this is what you're going to study and do for a living. It's something you'll be successful at but also enjoy.' If only life were that simple and easy. But hey, free will is great and I'm so grateful that I live in somewhere that I can do whatever I want and don't have to be forced into anything. I was more saying it'd just be easier for me at this point since I can't make my mind up. Wow, that turned into an interesting rant. Anyway, I'm starting to figure out things that I'm really passionate about and what I might enjoy doing for a living. I may decide something and then switch majors but in the end I know I'll choose the right thing and be happy. If you have any advice or just want to share your experience when deciding major, let me know down below, I'd love to know.

xoxo,

Wren

The past week or so I've really been looking into different colleges and universities. I'm currently enrolled in a local Community College but I want to transfer to a 4 year university and get a bachelor degree. At the moment I'm taking a math class, english class, and art class for a total of 10 credits (the math class is two parts 2 credits each while the other two are both 3 credits) and am enrolled under the cosmetology certification. But the thing is, cosmetology isn't really what I want to do with my life, at least not right now. I've narrowed it down some but yet at the same time I've added options. I originally was die hard into makeup and was good at hair so literally everyone told me to go to cosmetology school, so that's what I signed up for. However, over time my anxiety and depression stepped in and I just lost my ambition to do makeup and especially hair.

I looked into interior design because that's something I've always loved to do. When I was little I would draw my room on a piece of paper with a before and after. I would draw what it looked like at the time and then how I wanted it to look. I would show my mom and ask her if we could "redo" my room. Usually the answer was no but you can't blame a kid for trying, right? Hahaha Another thing that sounds super silly is the computer game the Sims. I always loved playing it and one day I was messing around and discovered you could move walls, change colors of the walls or floors, buy different furniture, and just customize it to your liking. From then on at least 85% of my time spent on the game was placing houses and then going in and redoing it all. If you've ever played the game you'll know that the people who make the houses usually don't have the greatest of taste, or maybe I'm just the one with odd tastes! Then I found out how to build the house from the foundation up. It became an obsession of mine and it went from 85% designing and building to 99%. I occasionally play it to this day.

The next degree option I've been looking into is American Sing Language to English Interpretation (ASLEI). This is another odd back story. So I was on Netflix one day and was desperately looking for a new show to binge watch. One of the recently added, like a new season, was Switched at Birth. I remember watching it when it first came out and I really liked it, I was just horrible at remembering to watch it ever week for the new episode. So I decided to start watching it again starting from the beginning. I fell in love with it and couldn't stop watching. Sign Language and the Deaf community fascinated me and I wanted to learn more. I downloaded an app called Marlee Signs where you learn basic signs. I haven't used it in a while but I love it and I just want to learn more. The Deaf community is misunderstood. Being Deaf doesn't have to be a set back or a struggle, they can do everything a hearing person can do. But there is a communication barrier between the deaf and the hearing. Whether it be in a hospital, in court, or even in school, there is a constant struggle with the two different ways of communicating. As an ASLEI I would fill that gap and help the communication. I've always wanted to do something that helps people and if learning a cool new language is a part of it that's great.

The only other degree path or paths is things to do with computers and the media. I've been looking into going to college in Europe next year and have found a few that I think I might like in Germany, Finland, and a couple other places. I'll make a post about that soon. The degrees I've mainly been looking into are called different things but are graphic design, interior design, game design, international business, and maritime management. So basically some creative things and some business things. Business is something you could say is a bit more "practical" or "realistic" but the designing would allow me to be creative in my everyday life but yet if I do the business route I might be more likely to post more on YouTube and here as that creative outlet. I really want to go to one of the schools I've looked into that are international, but it's a lot harder then when you just look into a college in your home country. There is so much more that you have to do but with free tuition and only having to pay living expenses, it might be worth it. I still have a lot more to look into and figure out, plus I still have to apply and see if I even get accepted at any of them, but I'll keep you all updated throughout this adventure.

If you have any suggestions, questions, or thoughts, leave me a comment and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. I'm still trying to figure my life out but it's great to have all you with me on this crazy journey! I can't wait to share more with you all.

xoxo,
Wren

I haven't written a post in so long this feels foreign. Especially since I've always been crap at writing. How ironic, right? Anywho, where to start... It's been since last November that I posted anything. Since then A LOT has happened obviously. January 23 2015 was my last day of high school. After that I didn't really do much. I got a job at Walmart in April working in the back but it turned out to be too much for me so I had to quit.  May 31st I had my graduation ceremony. (WooHoo!)

I honestly have no clue how to even begin to explain myself the past 6 months... I just had no motivation or passion for anything. All I did was work and lay around all day watching Netflix. I never really went out and did stuff. No vlogging. No Tweets. No nothing. Ever since my grandpa passed away in April I've been in a severe depression and just feel empty and alone. I've always been an introvert but this was even worse. I can honestly say I don't have any true close friends. I wish I did. There are people I talk to in class and occasionally talk to out of school but I really don't hang out with anyone and it sucks. No one knows how much I actually hate it. I was never an introvert naturally. Being bullied my entire life taught me that this is a cruel unfair judgemental world and I can only trust myself. I have been hurt and had my heart broken too many times to trust people. I've struggled with depression my entire life. Which is pretty damn sad looking back and seeing that that constant sadness I've always felt my entire life is depression. People don't believe me when I say I'm a depressed person. I'm a pretty fucking great actress when it comes to faking a smile and pretending that everything is fine... that I'm fine. But I'm not fine. Everything isn't fine. I feel empty and broken. I feel alone in a crowd. I'm screaming but no one can hear me. I'm dying on the inside and no one has noticed how bad it truly is. I don't talk about my feelings. I can't. I'm an extremely emotional person. Just thinking about something can make me cry for an hour. Saying it out loud... I just can't. I have severe anxiety and my trust issues don't allow me to talk to people. No one even knows how often I really just want to end it all. It's waayyyy too often. Nothing helps. I used to just listen to music and draw which would help. Now nothing helps. I still just lay around watching Netflix but I quit my job so now I never really get out much anymore besides for school. I wish I had someone to hang out with and just chill with. Now with my sister Holly being way out in upper state New York for college I've lost my only close friend. I mean yeah there's Megan but I've always just been closer to Holly. I miss her so much it hurts. I wish I could see her, talk to her, hug her... But I can't. I didn't ever imagine I'd miss her this much. Just sitting her thinking about it is making me cry... No joke. We're so close in age. Her birthday is 11/29/1995 and mine is 11/09/1996. We're the same age for 20 days. Now that my birthday is coming up it sucks. This is the first one I've ever had without her being here. I can't wait for Christmas. She'll be back home and I won't be so alone anymore. I don't know how I'll make it through Thanksgiving though... First one without her or my grandpa. I just don't know how to handle any of this. It all just sucks so much. Life fucking sucks. I need to change that and I'm trying. I just can't seem to fully overcome this darkness. I'm running a never ending race. I can't seem to ever catch a break. I'm never good enough. I'm a disappointment. That's how I truly feel. I feel so alone... I don't want to be alone. I don't like it. I don't know.. I'm gonna try to make videos again and maybe write more on here. I think it might help... Who knows...

-Wren