This still feels so foreign... I don't know when it will stop feeling that way but I hope soon. When I say "this" I mean sitting on my bed, in my apartment, late at night, all alone, typing away on my laptop about my life. I've been gone for quite a while but it was never really intentional. I didn't one day decide I needed to take a break from my blog, YouTube, Instagram, etc. it just kind of happened. I had taken a break from YouTube and then filmed a couple videos and uploaded them, said I was "back", but never really followed through with my plans and just faded away again. Which is the same thing that happened with my blog. My passion to make videos, and blog posts, was just gone. The numbers meant more to me than the fun of it, which I'm not okay with. When I first started making videos, I just had a webcam and no editing software so whatever I filmed was what I uploaded. Soon I got a nicer camera but still no editing software so it wasn't really much of an improvement aside from picture quality. Eventually I saved up my own money and got an even better camera so now I have good quality Then I somehow talked my mom into buying me a $1000+ MacBook Pro so that I could be able to edit my videos. But I'm still not happy. I want more, I want to reach more people, I want to have a bigger impact, I want to do important things, but I get discouraged and then give up. That's why I'm trying to ease my way back in, but with blogging rather than with YouTube. Why blogging instead of YouTube? It's just easier for my to sit down and type away than it is to sit and film, then sit and edit, then wait for the video to process and upload. Blogging and being a YouTuber full time/make a living from it is so hard to actually do, but it's the dream....
Somehow this has turned into my YouTube and blog journey, but it's somewhat necessary to give a bit of a back story before just jumping into it. Yet there isn't really much to jump into. Long story short, I was very discouraged and instead of forcing myself to power through it, I just gave up. I wanted more views, followers/subscribers, likes, shares, comments, etc. but it wasn't happening as fast as I wanted it to so I gave up. All of it had become more of an effort than it was worth. Plus I just had a lot going on in my life and I didn't need the extra stress in my life. I didn't want to worry about posting, filming, or uploading on a strict schedule. I moved out of my parents house back in September of 2016 so I have rent and other bills plus work to worry about. There was no time or energy left in me to worry about YouTube, Instagram, and blogging. Some days I would think about it, but usually there was just nothing important enough or interesting enough for me to post/film about so I just wouldn't. It's a lame reason and I know a lot of you probably don't even remember me but I hope you can understand and still support me on this journey. I'm going to try and post a couple times a week, but make no promises. Any suggestions for blog posts, or even YouTube videos, would be greatly appreciated.
This post has really been all over the place so it's probably best if I rap it up. To summarize, I took a break because I lost my drive, passion, and love for it all. I had no energy or want to do it any longer. But now I'm slowly starting to want to do it. I've missed this so very much. I've missed you all even more...
xoxo,
Jenn
